What Happened Hero?

There were times I thought I would have been better off if I had only taken my own advice. “Those would’ve been the decisions I tried to make,” I said to God, staring at the pile of empty complaints I tried to answer with excuses. “I meant to do this, but what I did was,”…over and over again.

What happened the time I had that thing in my pocket, that small but valuable stone I found at the jewelry supply store? I put it in my pocket one day hoping It would help me meditate, find a friend, or feel good. What I got was, to say the least, static. Interference. Fighting. I felt invaded by voices and pictures from my past, flooding my mind with images of angry men and women, who wanted that stone, or at least to keep me from having it.

It was in my pocket after all, little did they know, some things desirable cost a little bit of money. In this case, $1.25 was the price I paid, before tax. “But it’s mine!,” said one of the voices. “What right do you have to keep that?” Another voice replied. “Why is it yours?” I asked. “I want it!” Said they. I ask myself sometimes, why is it mine or anyone else’s? I can buy some things I truly want or need if I successfully attempt to.

One day, when I was attempting to carry and work with the small beautiful jewel, I became weary of fighting to the death over something so small and inexpensive. I went out at 6:00 in the morning to a nearby park, the Sun was only beginning to show it’s flames, and I removed the stone from my pocket. I had gone to a duck pond at the park, and lo and behold, there it was, and I gently tossed it in.


Once, Only Once

Once upon a time, in a long forgotten place, deep down inside me, was a restlessness. The need for the counterpart, the recovery, the rest between work hours, the meditation, all that I previously knew to be ways, was nowhere to be found. I was miserable!

That initial draw to look for answers within myself hasn’t gone away, it’s only been rejected, despised, and otherwise derided. I didn’t tend to think this was all my fault, though I intended to accept responsibility for it.

I will continue to practice, what I already have learned to do, and as I learn more, I believe I will have a conclusion, drawn authentically by my own intelligent intuitive mind, together with the Universe. I do not expect to stop learning. I do not expect to stop working at living, inwardly, outwardly, otherworldly, for a very long time. I will not expect others to live the way I live. I will not set up any rules for others to live by, but rather, to make whatever rules I make to be the rules I enforce on myself. I would do this because I believe this is the good and right way to live.


A Matter Of Personal History-1

I was one of these who for some reason, being that my sister and I both forgot our house key, I climbed on to the roof, using a tree. Once I was on the roof, being egged on by neighbors as well as my sister, I oops, slid into the chimney! I was then rather stuck. What did I do while I was in there? Inside a chimney, though I was young enough and small enough to slide in, there is not much room to move around.

To make a long story short, someone called the fire department, who tried the damper, which I was standing on. They lowered a rope and pulled me out through the top. I grabbed on to the rope, as my hands were above my head, and it would have been too painful to put the rope around me. I came out, covered with soot, and looked at myself in the fire truck side view mirror.

In the days of my youth, when myself and my neighbors would walk around on campus at a nearby University, we were in the Drama building, me and one other. One of the instructors approached us in the hall. He asked if I could fake a limp, I tried, and he put us in a play production. I became Tiny Tim in a rendition of A Christmas Carol, called “Scrooge.”

I was once on the Art Linkletter Show, when I was in Kindergarten. I went to Nursery School at Co-Op, and I was in the Cub Scouts and YMCA Indian Guides. I had a few Judo lessons, two years. I once won a Pinewood Derby contest, reigning undefeated. I also got several bullseyes at the Archery firing line, at Camp. I’ve been bullied and I’ve been fooled, I’ve been jinxed. I have been robbed of a brand new bicycle. I have been beaten up at school, when that bully broke my nose. I have been heckled from a car window. I have been asked if I needed a ride.

I’m sure there’s more, I’ll save it for later.

How Do I Know?

How do I know what effect it will have on others when I think? I was thinking something to myself, it sounded as though someone forty feet away said that same thought, out loud. Am I so attuned?

How do I seem so sure I know what the future does not have in store? If there were a use for it I’d tell what I think I know will not happen. No super-famous person from legend or history is going to return to fight for what is good or right…The “Good” might be no stronger, no better at battling. How can a battle be ultimately won by Good, if war is Evil? Are our own bodies territory? Are there more than one or two types of seniority?

Will it rain? Will rain help put out the wildfire? It’s getting cooler, we know that much. Will my life somehow be an improvement on the previous generation? Somehow, but not in every way. I can never expect to correct my mother. These thoughts are rambling this way and that, but please humor me and bear with me, I do not know!!!

My life may not get easier, but can I become easier? Am I Life Itself? If I choose, I can sometimes be easy to get along with. I think so. I am almost honest enough, in my own opinion, though I still occasionally err. I will continue to improve, until I am truthful enough in my own observation. I can correct myself when I mis-speak. How do I know what effect it will have on others, when I publish this?



Why, What?

Here I was, asked a question. Over and over, eventually leading to the only answer left. “I don’t know.” Why? Why it is that if I attempt to find out why I feel the way I do, the feeling won’t budge. Not at all, and I think to myself, “what was I thinking?” and wanting to know what happened to what I was feeling. In the process of reasoning, I lost touch with what it was I was meaning to discover why about.

Why did I want nothing more than for the feeling to be able to change, and become more pleasant? Whatever it was, it was somehow unpleasant, very dangerous, unnatural, or unsavory. I changed my attitude, my approach, my response, and it still feels the same way it did more than thirty-five years ago. Something is going on with this. Is some part of my life opposed to “change?”

Why? Why What? Why don’t you want to change? Asked I, today, as never before. I intend to find out………..

Changing Climates

Much ado about “climate change,” “global warming,” and the “greenhouse effect,” I have something to say about this. Older than any tradition, older than antiquity, starting before the first dinosaur was born, is climate change. If in fact the Universe did begin with a Big Bang, it is then that Climate Change began. What else is there to weather? Seasons? It makes sense to account for the impact we, as individuals, and as a “species” have on terrestrial habitats. My objection is the idea of controlling our environment excessively. After all, it was this that caused what has come to be known as the Carbon Footprint. To schedule a deadline makes no sense. When is it too late? When our tinkering with solutions causes more harm than the good we intended as an outcome.

This opposite-of-what-we-meant-to-do, this is already seen occuring on Earth. I’ll be the first among the five of us to admit, I did it too. The five of us are: Me, myself, my body, I, and mine. One big happy family. I may expect to harmonize with my environment, I don’t know for sure yet what I’ll properly be able to control. What is power besides the ability to move energy? I won’t go to court to try to sue someone if my hands are dirty, for example. I could end up in more trouble instead. The goal? Reduce trouble. The actual outcome? As it is. What is going to happen later? What will happen later, will happen later. As it will be.


How Long Has It Been?

Compared to the life of the millions and billions of people who have lived on Earth, not long has it been since the most recent mention of forever. The thing about forever is, when does it begin? How long has it been since the beginning of forever? Has forever not already begun? I do believe it has. That is, if there is such a “thing” as forever.

How long has it been since the first time? How long since the last? Is it happening this instant? The percentage of time passing compared to one’s entire life affects how fast time seems to pass. Twenty percent of five years is only one year, however, twenty percent of fifty years equals ten years. This “illusion” of time passing or “flying” when one is older, this is how I explain it.

The answer? It has been too long, way too long. Yet, we’ve only begun. Yet, it is still too soon. I don’t mind waiting.