There were times I thought I would have been better off if I had only taken my own advice. “Those would’ve been the decisions I tried to make,” I said to God, staring at the pile of empty complaints I tried to answer with excuses. “I meant to do this, but what I did was,”…over and over again.
What happened the time I had that thing in my pocket, that small but valuable stone I found at the jewelry supply store? I put it in my pocket one day hoping It would help me meditate, find a friend, or feel good. What I got was, to say the least, static. Interference. Fighting. I felt invaded by voices and pictures from my past, flooding my mind with images of angry men and women, who wanted that stone, or at least to keep me from having it.
It was in my pocket after all, little did they know, some things desirable cost a little bit of money. In this case, $1.25 was the price I paid, before tax. “But it’s mine!,” said one of the voices. “What right do you have to keep that?” Another voice replied. “Why is it yours?” I asked. “I want it!” Said they. I ask myself sometimes, why is it mine or anyone else’s? I can buy some things I truly want or need if I successfully attempt to.
One day, when I was attempting to carry and work with the small beautiful jewel, I became weary of fighting to the death over something so small and inexpensive. I went out at 6:00 in the morning to a nearby park, the Sun was only beginning to show it’s flames, and I removed the stone from my pocket. I had gone to a duck pond at the park, and lo and behold, there it was, and I gently tossed it in.